recovering

today, i cried,
but i dont exactly know why,
it tiring anyway,
guess i'm tired of my life huh,
and sometimes. when you're down.
the person who you need the most is not even there.
and sometimes he or she dont even wanna be there for you.
or maybe he or she doesnt even have the effort to be there for you.
and thats when you'll think.
is he or she worth it.
i mean. we,i tried to be there for them but in the end...
it just hurts yourself twice.
i dont exactly know what to say, but i'm really tired of my life right now.
school's getting worse.
its just not that fun anymore.
well. i guess i just have to hold on.
well, i came here to learn. a lot of stuff.
about life. and business is my life.
its everything i am. the only reason i'm staying.
is cause its easier to make any survey for business here.
and its easy for you to know what people are looking for in market.
whats hot and whats not.
and i'll start thinking about what to do in future :)
my passion is business i guess.
but i'm learning science. people always ask me why.
but i guess, its just more interesting and....
i bont know. hard :) haha. i like.
but i still like acc n stuff. n i'll try to learn it a.s.a.p
haha, keyh.i'm bullshitting already.
tonight. i wanna see who will be there for me.
we'll see..the thing is.
i'm tired of chasing people.
esp when people dont really know how to appreciate.
so i guess its enough now. i'm tired of life.
oh. how i wish i could work.
today is the day. i'll try to stop.
yes, i'm tired. i'm scared.
scared of getting hurt.scared of being dissapointed.
scared of betrayal.

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hehe :)
seriously. i'm speechless.
well. i'm too exhausted lately.
cant even think bout what to write.
haha.

heyy. tw, been trying to contact you,
i've called you more than 10 times.
haha. but nvm lah.

hmm. sorry to certain people.
for being too bz lately.
and i'm not there for you when you need me.
i'm so sorry. i really am.

well. i guess i can take a break from dancing for a while now.
need to focus more on magazine.
seriously lots of stuff in mind right now.

ouh yea. n really have to focus on teacher's day.
sorry ****** 4 da late info.
we'll talk about the design later.
i'll try to get it done asap.
so sorry.

n we really hav to start focusing on robotic again.
kn ama n audy??
hmm2.. gambatte! :)

so thats all for now i guess.
thats my life.
:))

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It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you, why

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you call youself a friend??
go get lost,pretender.

ohh. depan2. "wa! rse lame gle x nmpk kao"
"wa, kao ok x?" "wa,knape kao mengasingkan diri? "
n you acted like you freaking care about me?!
if you really fucking care bout me,
you wouldn't even do that freakin stupid thing!

ohh. so tell me the real you.
behind me, what did you say??
you think i wont know?
BABE! this is SSP! get a grip!

so, your plan is. in front of me,
you acted like you freakin agree what i said.
and you would never do anything in the world that would hurt me.
cause you know i would get hurt.
n now, WHAT DID YOU DO?
so you think you can keep it from me FOREVER?
thats STUUUUUUPPPPPIIIIIDDDDD!!!

dude, i gave you a choice.
n this is what you choose. so screw you. screw me.
screw evryone. this is what you think about friendship?
well, know what. CONGRATULATIONS!
you got the right answer. FOR YOU!
hav fun.

you wanted people to change for you.
have you ever thought about changing for anyone?
you said you knew me,you said you understand me.
u asked me to trust you. n now.
YOU DID THIS!TO ME!!
anything you wanna say????

so okay. i was wrong. fine,
why didnt you confront me??
i could have tried to change.
although what i did got nothing to do bout what you did.
i mean, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!

i know you knew i would be freakingly MAD!
YES, YOU DO! cause you told me you do.
you know why i wasted my time telling you all those stories.
and all my feelings??cause i never wanted this to happen.
and i thought you wouldnt do this to me!
but sorry for being that dumb! happy now? you got me!

i told you!I TOLD YOU! i never wanted stuff to repeat.
and you gave your word. yes, YOU DID! never deny it.
you said this wouldnt happen. but again,
yes, i was dumb,dumb,dumb! thanks to you.

remember the day we wrote stuff on the whiteboard?
you remember what i wrote and what you wrote?
or maybe it was nothing to you?
cause i'm no one to you.
remember i wrote i never want history to repeat?
n remember what you've replied.
so tell me, this whole time.
THAT WAS ALL A LIE??
was that all your fun and games?
well you've got yourself entertained.
good for you. i got a job!
a part-time entertainer! thank YOU!

know what people. you freakin trust your friend?
you call them your true friend.
screw your friends!
they're the one that will make your tears.
wait till your time comes people.feel to believe.

you wanna know how i felt right now.
my heart, i tell you, had never been this painful before.
my hands, were shaking
my eyes, well you ca guess how they looks like right now.
my heart keep aching and aching and aching.
bleeding.blood.tears.pain.suffering.
finally, DISAPPOINTMENT.

god, get me through this.

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pissed.

anyhoo.realise something?
we're different now kn? n i dont like that.
act there's more i wanna write.
but i'm too pissed off right now.
so later.

ps: diddy, you better get back here right now!

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this is not an advice.

this is a warning.

true friends doesnt exists.

realize before you regret.

bestfriends? true friends? i'll tell you what.

thats bullshit!

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I've been trying to see you
For such a long long time
Maybe I'm just sad to face that i
but I won't lie
When it comes to loving you
All the things that I would do

Been waiting for this day for far too long
I never could imagine it so strong
As long as I'm with you, I can't go wrong
Oh baby what you do to me?
You're the one

How I try to reach you
Oh In everyway I can
But it's hard to find a way to show
that I'm yours

When it comes to loving you
All the things that I would do



:) thank you. for everything i have right now. esp you <3

tw, yes i do.

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i dont know hows my life's going on right now.
i guess there's just too much stuff going on.
didnt get enough sleep for the last 3 days.
last weekend i slept at 5 am just to all these freakin designs.
n i didnt even touch my homework.AT ALL!
and then i have to like rush all of it last nyte.
n the last thing i said before i slept was, "whatever,screw you homeworks"
n i slept. anyhoo.today was the first time i slept during addmths class.
usually i was very thrilled n stuff to stdy addmts.
but i dont know. plus. i'm fasting today.
yeah,i know, it shouldnt be an excuse.
but i'm seriously exhausted. so sorry. hmm. kinda felt guilty, but..
its the past.right now. i'm having a headache.
aishh. :( we're supposed to propose all these design n stuff this wednesday.
but obviously, the designers are not ready yet.
so not ready. but. wtv. dont wanna think bout it nemore.

hmm. p/s : 'tw' thx for 040410. kept me happy for the whole day i guess.
or mayb till now. but,nway. i do felt better. a lot better :) thx. twtwtw <3
stdy hard yea? pls? seriously wanna see you succeed. tc!

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so you're trying to say that i've hurt you,
n i kept hurting you?
well, sorry,
i thought you knew me.
but i was wrong.
do you even know how hard it is to be me?
do you really believe how i look on the outside?
i thought u get me.
but guess, u dont yea?
well, there's nothing i can do if u choose to be so.
just do whatever you wanna do.

p/s : you hurt me more when you talk halfway.

if can, do wake me up.

btw, why should you be hurt? arent i'm the one who's going through the hard life?

dont you have everyone you need n evrything you need? or more?

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